Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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