Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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