I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
