I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
