I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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