New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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