I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
