Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize