im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
