3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
