I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
