never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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