ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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