I will die if light touches me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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