I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
