OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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