I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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