every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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