Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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