I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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