it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
