So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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