alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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