May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
