While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
