I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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