How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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