There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
