It's like God shit irony all over that family
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
