hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your tits are I can't wait for
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
