I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
