I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
