I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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