i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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