I like to think it a success when the cops are called
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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