I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
