wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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