Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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