I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
