forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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