Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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