The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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