So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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