im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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