Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize