i used baking grease as lip gloss
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
