im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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