I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
