Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
