So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
