I wish I only lived at night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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