literally had 100 drinks last night.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize