Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
