Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
