he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
