yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
