I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
