Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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