Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
