All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
