I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
