ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
