And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
