bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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