Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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