he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
