Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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