i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
