Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
