I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
