Don't EVER smell your tampon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
