ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
