So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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