So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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