i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
