Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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