Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
