i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
