I can text with my tongue
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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