my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
