Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So. Much. Porn.
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