He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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