I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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