just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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