the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
