I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
