he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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