ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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