The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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