Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
