Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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