tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
