just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize