Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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